It’s the topic that seems to defeat all working spouses and parents.  It’s the topic that has been the subject of monthly feature articles in various magazines for more than 30 years.  It’s elusive, and regardless how sophisticated our business models become there is one challenge that plagues those of us in the workforce.  It is simple at its core and yet complicated to manage.  It is unparalleled in its scope and it is quite simply this, “how do I find a balance between my work-life and my personal / family life?” 

This is not another article of tips on how to manage your time better or juggle schedules.  As a CEO and an author on leadership, my perspective is quite different.  I don’t think the issue is time or finding enough of it.  I think the problem is you not knowing when you’ve actually found that balance.  You cannot determine whether or not you are being successful unless you establish success criteria

First, there must be some metrics around this “balance”.  How will you determine success?  Is it a pure measure of time spent in each area?  Or is it a quality versus quantity issue?  Ah-ha, now we are stepping into the grayer area.  In order to determine whether or not you have completed a project successfully, it usually must be completed on time and within budget.  Pretty straightforward, right?  That time and budget are set up at the beginning of the project and then managed to completion.  So, how will you know that you’ve struck that magical balance in your entire professional life, unless you set goals or success criteria in the beginning? That means, you must decide what success is defined to be for you, in each aspect of your life. You must decide what professional success is, and that is not very easy. You must actually also decide what you are willing to pay in the way of “sacrifice” or “tradeoff” in the rest of your life-work balance. Career success, does not come without a price. It takes substantial time, energy and emotional commitment to become a winner in your professional life. Are you willing to pay that price? If not, then you need to be prepared to accept a level of achievement that is short of “stardom.”

Now, don’t think I’m over-simplifying this.  There is another component that really makes balancing work and home life challenging.  Again, if I use my project example, usually management or your customer defines the success criteria.  As a project manager, your responsibility is delivering that project within the criteria set by your customer.  But in the case of your work-home life balance dilemma, who determines the metrics for success?  Well, because it’s usually not you yourself, that’s where the difficulty lies.

If you have a work-life, you probably have a manager or supervisor and likely may also have a customer.  If you have a home life, you likely have a spouse or significant other, children, siblings, roommates, or even pets.  Each of these parties demands your time (quantity) and your attention (quality).  Each party must be satisfied in order for you to be successful, and the two are in direct competition with each other for both your time and attention.  They are defining your success criteria for you.  That’s where the “balance” comes in.  That’s why that balance is so elusive.  Each of the two entities has vastly different success criteria.  In order to for you to be “successful” at home, you must sacrifice either quality or quantity in the workplace—and vice versa.  Because you are loyal to each, chances are that if one “succeeds” the other will suffer.  Therefore, it will be nearly impossible for you, as an individual, to be truly satisfied or feel successful.  Does that mean that a balance doesn’t exist?  I am not saying it doesn’t exist.  I am saying it entirely depends upon the demands of your work-life and your personal life. 

In short, the work-life balance is decided by evaluating the tradeoffs in your life and work. During my life, I have been blessed with a life partner, a loving wife, who helped me balance my commitment to her and our family, while allowing me to focus on my work passions. We have been a team, and the tradeoffs that I made, were ones she bought into. Hence, conflict between work and life never really existed, because my work and life were intertwined and my wife bought into what I was doing at work and became a part of the decision process. Candidly, if you are all blessed with this type of relationship, balancing your work-life balance will be a “piece of cake.”